11.6.19

Talking to ghosts feels like remembering. You don’t use your voice any: it’s all in your head. And even though it’s happening now, it doesn’t feel like it’s happening now. It feels like it’s something from a long time ago, something you can pick up the edges of, but not the whole thing. Not all the details.

They say things to you, and it’s like trying to remember a conversation you had yesterday. And you say things back — with your mind, of course — but it feels more like then instead of now. It’s weird. Even when it’s happening, it feels like something I did when I was a baby. Which is dumb, because I’m only eleven, and I wasn’t a baby all that long ago.

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